Rite and Ritual

The best jokes in the world?

Posted on August 24th, 2009 in observations

While I haven’t written for a while and despite boycotting the news (to a large extent), I have had some interesting stuff to write about lately. Only I’ve been boycotting that too.

In the meanwhile, here’s a list of this year’s worlds funniest jokes:

• 1) Dan Antopolski - “Hedgehogs – why can’t they just share the hedge?”

• 2) Paddy Lennox – “I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I thought: ‘This could be interesting’.”

• 3) Sarah Millican – “I had my boobs measured and bought a new bra. Now I call them Joe Cocker and Jennifer Warnes because they’re up where they belong.”

• 4) Zoe Lyons – “I went on a girls’ night out recently. The invitation said ‘dress to kill’. I went as Rose West.”

• 5) Jack Whitehall – “I’m sure wherever my dad is; he’s looking down on us. He’s not dead, just very condescending.”

• 6) Adam Hills – “Going to Starbucks for coffee is like going to prison for sex. You know you’re going to get it, but it’s going to be rough.”

• 7) Marcus Brigstocke – “To the people who’ve got iPhones: you just bought one, you didn’t invent it!”

• Rhod Gilbert – “A spa hotel? It’s like a normal hotel, only in reception there’s a picture of a pebble.”

• 9) Dan Antopolski – “I’ve been reading the news about there being a civil war in Madagascar. Well, I’ve seen it six times and there isn’t.”

• 10) Simon Brodkin (as Lee Nelson) - “I started so many fights at my school – I had that attention-deficit disorder. So I didn’t finish a lot of them.”

That’s from this year’s Edinburgh Fringe fest, reported on http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/scotland/edinburgh_and_east/8216991.stm .

Not sure about being the best, I did laugh at most of them.